Mendung. Siang ini hujan gerimis.
I was in a somber mood last night; had some little panic attack yesterday in the afternoon, but nothing big. I made some seeds notes about what I thought yesterday, and probably should put it into The Gray Tower vault.
It’s ya boy birthday today. 🎉🎉🎉
Terima kasih banyak untuk yang sudah mengucapkan selamat dan doa. Semoga hal yang sama juga bisa dirasakan masing-masing.
I think I was meant to make a reflection post last year, but never got into actually write one. So here it is comparing where I am now to a year or two ago.
I felt that I hadn’t achieved much in 2024, but if I try to actually reflect and see what happened in each month, I will see the progress curve go up. There’s so much things happening since December last year, but it was “small”, and spread here and there that there’s no big moment that I could recall as a huge event. But that’s what important, and better, I think. Small and steady growth is better than an explosive one in the long term.
That said, there’s still a lot for me to learn and revise. There’s still lots of things I want to achieve in the next few years—as a way to prove to myself that I could do it and also because I need to.
Reflecting on my mental health, I was asked by the substitute psychiatrist to ask the actual psychiatrist about the matter of decreasing my meds dosage on my last visit. I am already reducing my meds intake (not taking clozapine in the night since the after-effects are horrible the next day, not being able to concentrate on anything at all for the next 6 hours after I wake up). That said, November wasn’t kind to my psyche at all when I skip on the night meds, so at the very least I’ll ask her to not give me clozapine as I haven’t touched it in the last 6 months or so. It has improved, but not by much from last year; I do know how to make it more stable, and my circumstances are getting better overall, too.
Here’s to living another year.